*Note: Read if your really bored. Seriously. I think I probably used the worlds “awful” and “terrible” a thousand times. The following is just a bunch of rambling, but some say blogging is therapeutic. Maybe it will help to post this so the whole world has access if they want.

It is 3:36 a.m and I am beginning to type this on Word to be pasted sometime later today, if I wake up, on my blog. I do not trust Spaces to just type away. I can’t sleep and I have all these thoughts going through my mind, so you are probably going to see rambling like you never seen rambling before. I think this all started with watching too much news coverage of New Year’s celebrations.

My New Year’s resolution is, I only have one right now, and I have never had a resolution before, to learn how to drive. I don’t even have my permit right now….and apparently as I graduate this spring I have to go to college this fall. (Going to my closet to scream.) First of all, I have always thought that the driving age should be raised to 18. Secondly, I have this awful and seeming to grow fear of driving. I took Driver’s Ed the summer of my sophomore year and have been absolutely terrified ever since. Oh, it was awful. I don’t even like to think about it. No, I did not wreck-it was just terrifying. Part of it could be that it wasn’t completely my own idea and it is something different, a change.

I will admit it: I highly dislike change. I was sort of pressured into getting my license in the sense that everyone was doing it. It is the thing to do when you turn 16, so I tried going with the flow for once and it turned out badly. Awful. Maybe I am going to start hyperventilating. Maybe I am over exaggerating. I do get very tense and nervous and I am that way now. I would love to just put it off for oh, forever? It’s like math: I wish I could just instantly know it and be good at it. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way.

I have put off getting my license until I am eighteen which is in August of 2006. Now it is 2006. Not cool, absolutely not cool. That means I am going to have to get my permit soon which means I am going to have to start practicing soon. And that means getting into the driver’s seat. Okay, I am thinking I need to take a couple of deep breaths now……driver’s seat. See, sitting in the driver’s seat means a change. For 16 years I sat in the passenger seats and became used to it. Now the status quo is to change….the driver’s seat is in another spot and there is a wheel to keep control of the vehicle so no one gets hurt. It feels very different sitting there, very uncomfortable and tense. Plus, there are a million and one gadgets to remember and mirrors and road signs and other cars and people to watch out for. And animals….like deer. Deer are evil. I hate them, was in the car when my dad hit one totally demolishing the front of the car, blood was all over the road. It was awful. They are evil.

I don’t know if I can do it. Everyday I go through this “confidence mode” where I tell myself, Laura, you can do it. It will be okay. You are a responsible person. It’s not that bad. It will be okay. If your parents and friends and cousins and total idiots at school can drive you can, too. But then, what if I hurt somebody?

I come from a school where there is probably around 400 students or so in the whole high school and four students have died from a one car crash in one year. The whole area of schools has had this happen in their districts, too. No alcohol…good weather conditions.

I just don’t know, I really don’t know.

I am calmed down now more. Maybe I am getting tired, I can only hope. I don’t know how I am going to be able to get back to waking up for school! School. 2006. Graduating. College. Not so scary as driving. That seems a bit odd, but it doesn’t. I wish though that you could just get one, flat fee based on how many year and your major all at once at the beginning if you aren’t going to switch schools. That way you know how much exactly and you are basically in debt all at once sooner instead of having it just accumulating. There are probably many flaws in that plan though. Seriously though, if I get into Ohio State at the main campus (Columbus) that’s it. And if I don’t, I suppose I will just go to an Ohio State branch and transfer to Columbus later. There’s really no better college around in Ohio for what I am looking into and I’m not going to pay out-of-state tuition. I don’t like to spend money and in-state tuition is plenty enough.

One of these days, I am going to do an Ohio entry….after all I did name myself Ohio Republican. I don’t even like Ohio too much, but I’ll explain that all some other time.

Wow, I did a lot of rambling. I could choose not to post this on my site, but that would sort of defeat the whole purpose. What is the point in having a blog if you are just going to type to Word? Regardless, I the whole thing needs to be posted unedited because otherwise it is like going back and changing a diary to make your life what you wish it was. Then that would make you a fictional person and worse, you would be lying to yourself.

Now that you have read about the past two years of stress I've had, do you have a resolution?

Merry Christmas!